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The Home of the Cyber Shark(s)

BBBAAAAAWWWWW is the sound they make…. that's descriptive enough, right?

So, for my screen toolkit class, we had to make a completely audio project. This is the result.

There are a few parts I sort of want to edit again, but they are the parts I had a hard time making work in the first place. The piece wasn’t right without them, and they felt a little sloppy with them. Guh.

But I really enjoyed working on this, and am somewhat proud of the result. The video is on the youtubes because I can’t upload videos to this blog.

I have to go now because someone is staring at me. I think they need this computer, and I’m done. Just so you know, person reading over my shoulder, my hard drive is formatted for a Mac, and I have a PC at home. Rest assured I’m not using this machine for a program I could easily use on a PC. You could always stare angrily at that person a few stations down using a $2500 computer for facebook and email.

Yes. You.

…Nope, I can’t. This youtube uploading is slow work. Also, brush your teeth.

Yes, I AM checking my facebook now. Stop sighing. My upload’s at 90%. I want to get out of here too you know, and I have to commute an hour. Trust me I’m not here for the lulz.

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I went to see “The Muppets” on Wednesday, and let me just say

 

=D

 

That’s the short of it.

Now, to make this review fair, I will list the few things in this movie that bothered me. I don’t know that they’ll bother you though, or if you’ll agree with my reasoning, but nothing can be perfect afterall.

My one big gripe is the product placement. Now, it’s actually not bad at all, except for the one billboard of Cars 2 that is so prominent I noticed it, and that bothered me a lot. It was unneccessary; maybe it was a joke, since Cars 2 isn’t in theaters anymore, but if so it went over my head until just now, and I still don’t think it was funny or clever.

The other thing that bothered me was how LA it was. It was very Hollywood. I mean that in how clean and pretty everything looked. When I think back to all the other Muppet movies, they have a distinctly… grittier?… feel. I can’t say grittier is the right word, but there’s a certain amount of shiny that I accept in Hollywood movies – how seamless everything is – that I don’t like in my Muppet movies. I can accept, of course, that the movie takes place, mostly, in LA, and that this shininess is easily a reflection of that sort of ideal, but that doesn’t make me like it.

Writing-wise, I was a bit put off at how self-aware the movie was. I do think making jokes like “Then this is going to be a really short movie” can be funny, but there’s a lot of that “winking” to the camera (I say winking, but it’s more like staring right into the camera and saying “We know we’re in a movie, and so that’s the joke.”). Part of what bugs me about this is that it’s done too much. It really should be more of a wink to the audience, nothing more.

I feel like the musical numbers, while a heck of a lot of fun, were just too big. Also, too many human stars. See, when I think of a Muppet movie, and their musical numbers, they blended into the world. Yes, people were singing, but maybe it was the type of song, or the lyrics, but it didn’t feel like the movie was drawing extra special attention to it. The opening number, while catchy, was a big lavish musical number that, let’s be honest, could have been in almost any type of corny musical. The number was corny, and purposefully so, and the Muppets never seemed corny to me.

And it’s not that I don’t like Jason Segel or Amy Adams, they did a fantastic job, but, like (one of) my (many) issues with the Transformers movies  – if I’m watching a Muppet movie, I want more Muppets and less humans.

And Scooter’s and Fozzie’s voices were off. As far as Scooter’s voice being off, I think it’s more OK since he’s more of a minor Muppet people tend to forget… and more importantly, he’s been voiced by 7 different performers, so him sounding off to me doesn’t mean much. As for Fozzie… Frank Oz is still alive. Though Eric Jacobson has been performing him for 9 years, it’s still not the same voice, it’s too high pitched…but his enunciation is dead on. This might just be a case  of I have to get used to it since there was nothing wrong in the performance or writing.

All of that is problematic for me, so why, when I left, did I say “A++ would see again”?

Everything else.

The writing is dead on for the most part – the characters are all written correctly, there’s just so much charm in it. It also doesn’t ignore its own history, aging the Muppets – admitting it’s been far too long since they got together, and filling in the blanks between then and now. Animal is getting anger management help. Fozzy’s been working in ..ahem.. “nightclubs” with a band called The Moopets, Gonzo ended up owning a toilet empire, and Kermit and Miss Piggy had to go their separate ways. It is this part that is more surprising to me – not that they would go on their own ways, we all saw it coming, but in how much care was put into the writing so that it seemed natural, and that both Miss Piggy and Kermit were equally upset by this outcome. And the reason they split was not a silly one, but one that we’ve all seen and maybe experienced. (Oh,Gonzo and Camilla are still together though).

The plot is something that is all too familiar (And I don’t know why) – a rich evil guy will own the Muppet Theater, which he plans to demolish so he can drill for oil. The Muppets must reunite one last time to put on one last show, and raise the $10,000,000.00 it will take to own the theater, and their names, again. But it’s fairly obvious that the plot exists solely as a way to get the Muppets back together to put on the show.

There is, of course, the Amy Adams/ Jason Segel subplot of going to LA for their 10th anniversary, which Gary (Segel_ forgets about. And will they or won’t they get married. It feels tacked on, honestly, like it was something for the humans to do.

By far the best thing about this movie’s writing is in Walter, the new Muppet. He’s not super exciting – he doesn’t sing, or do karate, or tell bad jokes, or anything… he’s just a normal person (well, Muppet) who is a huge fan of The Muppets. He could easily be an everyman character -one that we are supposed to relate to. When Walter faints when Kermit calls him his friend, we, as Muppet fans, understand why. Walter’s journey with the Muppets is, essentially, OUR journey with them. I thought I could go on longer about him, but I think I did a pretty good job summing up his function in the movie. He’s more than a device for us, of course, he has a distinct personality, and he’s just so lovable.

I said earlier that there’s a self-awareness that I find off-putting, and that’s true, but there is just enough self-referential humor that I ate it up. Sweetums getting left behind at a used car lot, for example, had me floored. I don’t think anyone in that theater actually laughed at that, but I loved it. There’s a moment when they’re looking at the “Standard Rich and Famous Contract” that was signed in the first movie. So many little touches like that that did not seem shoe-horned into the script, just for older fans’ enjoyment – they were seamless. I suppose, in a sense, like the dilemma faced in The Muppets, the Muppets temselves realize that they are not as relevant as they once were; I still think it’s safe to say that a majority of children grow up watching Sesame Street, I don’t think that they have ever had the chance to graduate to other Muppety goodness, like I did. It is sad, but some of us have to face the fact that there are people out there that have no idea who Kermit the Frog is. But what I like about this movie is that 1.) they address that and 2.) they go on anyway. The Muppets in the movie put on a show for their fans, the many fans they still have, who are devoted to them, who never forgot them, and who are thrilled to see them. This movie is pretty much the same – it is for the Muppet fan, and almost catered to us. While I have no doubt in my mind that someone who had never heard of The Muppet Show would enjoy this movie, the characters’ journeys don’t mean as much to them, and The Muppet Telethon, while being entertaining  doesn’t have any significance.

But let me tell you, if you’re like me, The Muppet Telethon was glorious. Scooter does his “15 minutes to curtain” routine that he does at the beginning of every episode of The Muppet  Show, and they do the theme song! It was something magical and wonderful to see again. I teared up because I was so happy to see that again – especially when they all sang Rainbow Connection.

Everything they set up in the beginning of the movie had its pay off, the Muppets were on form, and from the beginning to the end, I did nothing but enjoy myself. It wasn’t until I stopped to think about the movie that I was able to think about what I didn’t like – and those things still don’t make me not want to see it again. I totally would in a heartbeat.

 

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It’s out. It’s fantastic. It’s gorgeous. Every geek you knohas barraccaded themselves in their rooms/houses/office/etc… with a 3 year supply of their favroite food…and maybe some empty bottles for peeing. Why? Because Skyrim is out. Bethesda has released their newest amazing role playing experience for gamers to obsess over, and yet I will never play it.

Why?

Sigh…. because. Because I know exactly what I’m going to do in this game, it’s the same thing I do in every Elder Scrolls game. I am going to get bored almost immediately.

Because when I play RPGs where I canmake my character be whatever I want, I invariably choose a thief, with a high charisma skill – because I love stealing shit and charming the pants off of people while I do it.

I can tell youexactly what will happen if I ever touch Skyrim:

I will make a character, probably an Argonian, they make good thieves…and can swim… which is important. I will go through the opening mission, and once I can do whatever the hell I want, I will spend my time sleeping during the day, and picking locks at night. I will talk to everyone and use my charisma to charm those dumb townies while I pick their pockets. I will get arrested and go to jail, do my time, and then wander around fighting things and just walking until I find another town to do the same exact thing. Because I’m me, I will inevitably come to a swamp or ocean or random pool of water that pops up out of nowhere, and, if I weren’t an Argonian, I’d spent the next few seconds trying to not drown, and will drown.

I may reload, but it’ll just be more of the same. It’s not that the gameplay is shallow, it’s that I need the main storyline to be like “Hey, listen, I’m glad you enjoy exploring the world, but you’ve got shit to do here… lives at stake, a great balancing of powers, wrongs to right. Chippy Choppy.”

 

Alright, I missed the last 2 weeks. Why? Well… short story: I was away. Long story involves a half blind pug and Fable 2. Thank God for DVR. I don’t know how I survived TV without it.

So, a quick recap to bring people up to speed:

Bryce is a hipster douche, he and Viktor have severe attitude problems. Olivier has an accent that makes no effing sense. Bert has a chip on his shoulder. And Lauren/a I don’t give a crap she’s Pretty Pretty Princess, is trying to make “classy not assy” a catch phrase.

Suspenders went home, which made me sad. I didn’t think his umbrella dress was that bad compared to the baby blue wee wee pad dress Bryce made.

Fallene! I didn’t have time to make a nickname for you! I’m sorry you’re gone! But in a way I am glad she went home now. If she had been passed through I think the higher pressure and intensity of the coming weeks would have totally broken her. The problem is that she and Bryce both said that she was responsible for that black swan dress. I don’t think that’s fair since Fallene totally made the only thing worth looking at there. If Bryce is in the bottom 3 this week he needs to go home.

Now, onto the gripe!

Snuggly Bear should have won with his bird seen dress. That dress was beautiful and the birdseed so crazy perfect and I loved looking at it. Nin and Mikey are huge hypocrites for decrying and sending home Suspenders for his “conventional” material in the umbrella, while giving What’s-his-hoodle a pass on an uninspired, barely altered doggy bed top that make the model look huge. It was also such a bland color palette, and the first thing I thought was that it was essentally Andre’s Moss Garden Party Dress. Only in dog and hamster. I can only assume shit was edited out because there wasn’t interesting drama at all.

Ok, new episode.

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So Heidi says they’re going to shake things up, because they don’t quite know who’s going to compete yet. Out of 20, only 16 will be in.

Heidi Klum, Mike, Nin, and The Man Tim Gunn, will be judging.

Becky feels old, and everyone’s sizing each other up, and hitting on each other.

Ok, Kimberly knows her customer, that’s a plus.

Heidi wants to try on Bryce’s cape. O hope she knows sh looks stupid in it.

Anaya Ayong-Chee, Miss Trinidad, has some really pretty stuff. Tim is Baffled by her having learned to sew in 4 months. She had a lot of help though because she may not have the sewing chops to survive on the show. Tim’s worried for her, skill wise. Heidi likes her clothes and is willing to give her a chance.

Nothing up with Becky. Heidi likes Olivier’s “BOob Window”

Midwest Pretty Pretty Princess doesn’t seem to go over well.

Chumly is inspired by bugs. Okm, let’s not mince words… pre-bugs. They’re not digging the colors.

Julie does outerwear. Nin just asks, and Julie goes on the offensive.

Amanda hated rompers. Eff her. I LOVE Rompers. Heidi’s scared by some of her stuff.

Hellene wasn’t as intimidated as she thought she’d be.

Gunnar thinks the judges’ think his pink dress is over the top.

Danielle is a bit of a shrinking violet, soft spoken, but knows she can push herself.

Joshua is confusing.

The judges seem bored with Cecilia.

They also seem bored with Raf, though Nin smirks. Raf belives she’s all into his sexually.

Serena just brough some recent stuff.

Bert! I heart you already! The judges seem… confused? angry? constipated?

Snuggly Bear is up. With one testicle. TMI my friend. He has a monkey print. That looks like polka dots. And heidi is going to steal his scarf. I am too.

Talking time!

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Project Runway Live Blog and Recap

You know, I’ve never done one of these before, but I’ve read a lot of them, and figure “What the hell” you know? I’ve been watching this show since season 1 “(my freshman year in college… I didn’t actually watch the season, but my suitmates were into it and so I caught the last episode and was hooked).

So, Last Time on Project Runway:

Mondo wins!

Because this is my blog and I can rewrite history if I want.

Ok ok… Gretchen won… because. I don’t know… apparently last year mud brown was really in… Don’t tell any of my friends or the people walking around NYC though, because YOU’D NEVER KNOW. Seriously, all I’ve seen and been into, are colors and patterns. Very retro, very bright, mostly form fitting, though sun dresses are A+

Of course, what do I know? I’m just an overweight loser with no eye for fashion of course.

Rewatching the last episode of last season, I heard the most bullshit reason for Gretchen’s win… and it was so subtle I honestly missed it in my astonishment that Nina and Michael could actually consider Gretchen’s collection:

There’s a ton of people doing coture, but besides Michael Kors, who’s doing sportswear runway shows?

No, watch it again, it’s subtle, it’s slight, and Mike says it. Yeah, that’s right, I’m calling himi Mike. When he earns my respect again, he may get bumped up to Michael. It’ll take a while before I use his full name again. I can’t think of a nickname for Nina off the top of my head though, Neen? Nin? Meh, what’s it matter. They’re both crazy to me.

All I remember about Gretchen is being bored by her designs and disgusted at her personality (I know I’m going to offend people by saying this, but the west coast, portland, seatlle, etc… “artiste” personalities really set my teeth on edge, moreso than the eastcoast ones, but they’re on my list too, don’t worry).

So, the Season 9 Casting Special: It starts! I actually really like these.

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Saturday, Shakespeare in the Park gave out vouchers in Staten Island. Since that’s where I dwell, and because it’s free, and because my mom and I go to Shakespeare in the Park every year, we went, and waited for 3 or 4 hours to get vouchers to go see Measure for Measure.

It was a very uninteresting day of course. I mean, it was a great day, just, if you weren’t there, then you wouldn’t care. The short version is that it was full of clapping and babies.

Anyway. It was hot, and I realized something:

My mom just stopped responding to these things.

 

And you know it’s true. They never had to deal with UV radiation, sun burn, and horrible horrible humidity. Or any weather for that matter.

I think splicers is a small price to pay for that.

And you know what? I remembered sun screen! I did not, however, remember that the sun works in 3 dimensions, and so my back got burnt. Not that bad. I’ve had worse. But it still sucked.

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