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The Home of the Cyber Shark(s)

BBBAAAAAWWWWW is the sound they make…. that's descriptive enough, right?

You may or may not have been able to glean from my previous posts that I am a geek.  I like to consider myself a Gamer Girl, though I am less capable of playing modern games nowadays. But I’ve saved my fair share of worlds. I’ve… I’ve written fanfiction…… I’m currently wearing a Dungeons and Dragon’s t-shirt

Anyway, my point being, I am a chick. And I am a geek.

And sometime in the past 10 years I’ve become a bit of a feminist. Not a huge femi-nazi, though God knows I’ve dealt with tons of those at the ultra-hippy-liberal-arts-stoner college I went to, but still, I take issue with certain attitudes towards and about women that I wouldn’t have when I was 16 (and I mostly thank my college experience for that. It was a pretty awesome time that made me grow as a person… anyway…).

When I was 16, and I read those “top 10 female video game character” lists, I would feel bad about myself for not being pretty.

Now that I’m 26, when I read these lists, I feel something akin to disgust.

Some lists are good, I found one once, that I’ll try to dig up, that didn’t mention the ladies’ looks at all, but looked at the character as a whole.

Most lists seem to be written by 14 year old with limited social success, young ladies who feel compelled to note that looking hot in all kinds of adversity = awesome, or men my age who can use grammar, but still note the curves of the character.

Though, I’ll admit, I’m not as disgusted at these lists as I used to. I’m still annoyed that so much emphasis needs to be placed on the female form over the character herself, but I’ve learned something.

People who make Top 10 Lists based on a gender’s characters’ appearance is really fucking stupid.

I say this because, well, Video Games are a visual medium, especially nowadays with the hyper-realistic graphics and jiggle physics. All of the characters in a video game, like in movies (with a few exceptions), are going to be extremely good looking. Making a list of the hottest characters, male (which do exist) or female, is really just listing your preferences in men.

Here’s my top 10 list for hottest male characters:

10.)

Disciple - KotOR II

9.)

Walter Sullivan -Silent Hill 4

8.)

Vincent - Silent Hill 3

7.)

Sephiroth - Final Fantasy VII

6.)

Citan Uzuki - Xenogears

5.)

Leon Kennedy - Resident Evil 2

4.)

Siegfried Schtauffen - Soul Blade

3.)

Link - Legend of Zelda series

2.)

Bartholomew Fatima - Xenogears

1.)

Cloud Strife - Final Fantasy VII

There my preference tends to be towards men with a slighter build and blond or fair colored hair and blue eyes. Yes. I like how Aryans look. I’m sorry. Swedish men are hot. Deal.

I spent a whole a 3 minutes thinking about it, and I’m pretty happy with the rankings there. Of course, my experience in game playing is different from your own, and my preferences are different than yours. Your own list will be different because you have different preferences. It’s all good.

But the thing about lists like these is that, try to disguise it as much as you want, it’s still based on base desires. They rarely tell you anything about the person making the list except that they prefer one type of look over another. And you don’t even have to know the game to list the character. I don’t know anything about Leon, other than he kills zombies. And to claim that any of these male characters are my favorite would make me superficial… sure, some of them are, but it’s not because of hot attractive I find them.

But those lists have been done to death and Gordon Freeman is usually number 1.

This, however is my list. And these aren’t necessarily any of my favorite male characters, but this is my

Top 10 List of Men (from Video Games) that I would Totally Form a Co-Dependency With

a few rules:

A.) Their attractiveness does not affect their position on this list.

B.) All characters must originate in video games (meaning no Batman, for example)

C.) All characters are judged by their personality in their first video game, or series, no spin-offs (if they appear in other video games, meaning Cloud, for example, is only judged by his context in FFVII, not Kingdom Hearts. If they appear in other video games inside their series, such as Megaman through his series, then that’s allowed)

D.) All characters are judged by their video games appearances alone (if they appear in other types of media, such as comics or anime, those appearances are not included in my judging, to the best of my ability)

10

Atlas is the first kind voice you head when you enter Rapture. From moment one he guides you as best he can from distance through Rapture, helping you survive, and, in his own way, put it right.

The Pros: A family man, kind, brave, pragmatic, and fights for what he believes in

The Cons: Besides being a widower on the rebound, he’s kind of sorta actually this guy

And that’s… grating

9

Cecil Harvey from Final Fantasy IV/II

I love Final Fantasy IV. It’s one of my absolute favorite games ever. The main character, Cecil, goes through a change in his life, for the better, and saves the world without spending 10 hours moping about it.

The Pros: An honorable man, Cecil fights for what he believes in and is not afraid to question things that he thinks are wrong. He will stand up and protect his friends, and is forgiving of people’s mistake, and despite his predilection for pornography and topless dancing girls, is quite loyal. After all, a guy is still a guy.

The Cons: Rosa. That bitch gotta’ go. Also, there’s a good chance that, while you may be his number 1 girl, you are not his number 1 priority – that’s his kingdom. You can bet that international affairs come first, and your needs second.

8

Locke Cole from Final Fantasy VI/III

True, he’s a the…errrr… treasure hunter… and a tad too protective of the ladies, but of all the men from Final Fantasy VI, I think Locke may be the most mentally stable… and age appropriate.

The Pros: Locke will protect you from anything. True this comes from a psychological problem that arose from failing to save his first true love, but it still has its benefits. He’s brave, and doesn’t think about danger when it comes to protecting his friends. And he’s funny – constantly cracking jokes to alleviate tension. And we all know how important humor is in a relationship.

The Cons: Well. He is a treasure hunter, and while the treasure he was searching for was a way to cure his amnesiac/dead girlfriend, having received closure from that, it’s likely he’s not about to settle down any time soon. He’s also a bit of a ladies’ man. While not nearly as huge a flirt as Edgar, he probably still needs to sew some wild oats before committing to monogamy.

7

Sasha Nein from Psychonauts is one cool dude. Impeccably stylish, calm cool and collected, nothing bothers him, and everyone looks up to him.

The Pros: You know how when you’re in a bad mood, and your boyfriend/ significant other asks you what’s wrong? And it’s really annoying, because he should already know what’s wrong? Well, Sasha will know what’s wrong without asking. Also, coming from someone who is not very organized, it’s very nice to have that person in your life. Due to an incident when he was younger, he is unlikely to view any one sexually, so he’ll always see you as a person. Plus his super cool detached style of life means he will keep a level head in emergencies.  And you can FIX him.

The Cons: He’s, perhaps, a bit too orderly and stylish. Add to that an emotional trauma from delving too far into his father’s mind (the reason for his detached emotions), and you have yourself a man who may appreciate you being in his life, but won’t even recognize it in himself…  Considering his emotional trauma, he may not even be able to view anyone sexually, meaning you. You have to FIX him.

6

Bao-Dur from KotOR II

Once a tech specialist who ended the war on Malachor V because of a machine he invented, Bao-Dur from KotOR II is an often over-looked character in favor of Atton or Mical, but that’s not fair to our little Zabrak buddy, who blushes when The Exile compliments him.

The Pros: He is a mechanical genius who could fix anything you needed fixing. He is respectful and has a great sarcastic sense of humor. Due to his past, he despises greed and anger, and all those things that lead to the Dark Side.

The Cons: He’s a bit haunted by his past, having killed hundreds, if not thousands, of people at Malachor V, (during a war) in the blink of an eye (even those on his side). It’s probably hard for him to open up, and that arm is always a reminder of what he’s capable of. To him and you both.

5

The men from Phoenix Wright, specifically the good guys, (and Godot) are all preeeeety awesome in their own right, and I committed a bit of a cheat by including them all in one spot, but I couldn’t rank any one of these guys higher or lower than the others. But I do want Phoenix, Miles, Gumshoe, and Godot on my list.

Phoenix Wright the Ace Attorney

The Pros: Open Minded, stands up for what he believes in, sees things through

The Cons: I’m sure he’s made enemies. His job also clearly comes first, and he may have a thing with Maya…

Gumshoe from the Ace Attorney Series

The Pros: He is a kid caring man whose heart is bigger than his brain. He always tries his hardest to help, and even if he doesn’t always win, you know he does things with love.  He’s a simple man, and happy with the small things.

The Cons: Unless you have a high paying job, you’re going to have to deal with being poor, because Gumshoe’s attempts to help usually results in him getting a pay cut.  But money’s not important now, is it?

Miles Edgeworth - Ace Attorney Series

The Pros: A man with the taste for finer things, who could certainly show you a nice night out that Gumshoe couldn’t. A bit of a snob, passing his standards is just a great boost to your ego. He’s smart, and more than book smart, clever. He enjoys winning, but has learned from his mistakes. I think he’s more of a do-gooder now?

The Cons: He could talk down to you easily, and would black out during an earthquake. Of course this isn’t his fault, but it’d be better if you didn’t live in an earth-quake heavy zone.

Godot - Trials and Tribulations

The Pros: He can make mean cup of coffee, which is good cause I’m helpless when it comes to making coffee. He’s dedicated and loyal, and will do anything for the woman he loves.

The Cons: I’m pretty sure he’s in jail now for murder… under strange circumstances I know. He also can hold a mean grudge and do things out of spite. He still has to get over the death of this girlfriend.

4

Bartholomew Fatima - Xenogears

Xenogears is my favorite RPG, it has a compelling cast of characters, and while Bart also appears on my list of hottest male characters, the character himself is compelling and one of my favorites.

The Pros: A Prince. I’d get to be a princess. Also, not to mention, he’s a great leader, and very kind. Smart and spontaneous. He’s a very thoughtful young man, who considers the consequences of his actions, and isn’t afraid to seek help when he knows he needs it.

The Cons: I think he’s engaged to his cousin? And desert sand gets EVERYWHERE.  Because he’s young and has had a lot of responsibility thrown on him all at once, he’s troubled, and burdens himself with it rather than asking for emotional help.

3

Frog/Glenn from Chrono Trigger

The Greenest knight ever. Chrono Trigger is right up there with one of my favorite RPGs. It may have been an earlier RPG, but that doesn’t make its characters any less rounded.

The Pros: A dedicated, loyal knight. He’d speak with all those Thy’s and thou’s that make my heart skip a beat. He will go to the ends of the earth to do what needs to be done. And is an all around nice guy.

The Cons: He is a frog…. at least some of the time… and can get moody when he feels like he’s failed you. That can be a downer. And the frog thing.

2

Guybrush Threepwood - Monkey Island Series

I grew up on this series.Monkey Island has one of the best characters, whose evolved through the entire series, ever.

The Pros: Guybrush has a sense of humor about everything. An eternal optimist, who tries hard. He’s happy-go-lucky, and clever enough to solve really hard… problems. He’s also book read, able to read long hard words without even a slip of the tongue. And is witty enough to be an amazing insult sword-fighter.

The Cons: He’s uber in love with his wife, Elaine Marley. As awesome as she is… Bitch gotta’ go. Also, sooo not cool with having a boyfriend with a zombie arch0nemesis.

1

Honestly, anyone who knows me saw this coming. Carth Onasi is a goddamned DREAMBOAT and if you don’t agree Get the Fuck Out.

The Pros: Trustworthy, honest, flirty, clever, loyal, strong, brave, protective, respectful. Carth is the best man ever.

The Cons: Still grieving over his wife…And.. hmmm…. Well, I suppose being in the Republic Army would take him away from home but other than that?

Carth Onasi, from KotOR, is the first character from a game that was so fully developed it was as though Carth was a real person. The voice actor did an amazing job, and the writing in the game was top-notch (proof that hiring WRITERS to WRITE video games is a GOOD IDEA video game designers). Bioware continues to do an amazing job.

So yeah, that’s my list of video game guys I would date.  No question.

Who are yours?

*Enjoy this tribute to Sasha Nein:

Also, here’s another great top 10 male character list!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

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