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The Home of the Cyber Shark(s)

BBBAAAAAWWWWW is the sound they make…. that's descriptive enough, right?

Happy Halloween! In an hour, I have to get ready to go to a party, which is exciting, because this will be the first year in a while I actually have a proper costume.

So I was debating adding another Rescue 911 episode here, as those episodes mostly freaked me out, and what better way to honor Halloween, besides sitting around and eating candy? But that’s not special is it? I mean, I’m going to have a lot more of those, and today is Halloween! Hallo-fricken-ween!

So, let me tell you a spooky story. One that freaked me the crap out in 1st grade. And continues to haunt me.

I remember that it was Halloween, and the teacher brought in a tape player – see, we used tapes back in the day for everything. I’m just grateful that my mom never decided to get this tape and put it in my Teddy Ruxpin doll*.

Anyway, it goes like this:

Now it’s said that a long time ago a fellow named Jeb took to the foothills of Tennessee  to live off the land.

Now old Jeb loved nothin better that a pot of beans with some meat in it, and he’d eat off that pot of beans for a week or more.

Well one winter night old Jeb couldn’t find nothin but a scrawny old squrrel to put in his bean pot. He cleaned it, cut it up into pieces and plopped it into his kettle.

Leaving his pot and meat and beans there in the fireplace in the red brick chimney, he went out to the firewood pile to gather some wood. He thought about the small bit of meat he shot that day and shook his head. Laughing he grabbed a bundle of logs and went back inside.

Setting them by the door old Jeb was startled when he turned to see this horrid thing sitting near his kettle. It was hideously skinny! All sunken in and white like a corpse. Red eyes that never seemed to blink. Scaly like things all over its body. It stuck it’s long neck out and down went the head into the pot. Jeb saw it pull out a nice chunk of meat. In a few snaps it was gone.


Now old Jeb wasn’t about to let some dried up reptile with red eyes steal his supper.

“Now you cut that out!” Jeb shouted. “You get going you worthless gila monster!”

To this the creature replied by snapping it’s mouth all full of needle sharp teeth. Slapped it’s tail twice. It’s tail seemed to be the only fatty part of it’s body. It seemed rather proud of it’s quilled tail.

“Get out of there yuh filthy beast!” Old Jeb shouted, but the lizard only snapped his jaws and slapped his tail again.

“Get out of my vittles and fixins or I’ll cut that proud tail of yourn off!”

To this the creature snatched up the last piece of meat. Watching Jeb it took a large gulp of beans. His head turned to a side he watched old Jeb. Then it spat all those beans all over Jeb’s face. It laughed with a hissing noise.

This was more than Jeb could take. Using his ax he hacked that fat tail off.

“Taily! Taily! Taily!” The creature howled as it climbed up the chimney.

“Taily! Taily!” It shouted as it ran into the night.

Now Old Jeb sat next to that pot thinking of those meatless beans. Blood was sparyed everywhere and even inside the beans. Near to his foot the tail was still squirming and worming about the floor. Picking it up Jeb was about to toss it away, but he looked at it, and thought “meat’s meat.” He shrugged his shoulders and used his hunting knife to hack off the spikes. He plopped the tail into his pot.

He had no idea what that critter was, but he sure thought it tasted pretty good. He cleaned those tail bones clean.

After he was done with the meat he swallowed those bones whole! He loved the flavor that much!

He went right to sleep that night with a belly full of meat.

That following day he shot himself two fat squrriels. As he went home he heard a rustling of the bushes behind him.

“Taily bone! Taillllly bone! All I want’s my taillly bone!” A voice rasped.

Jeb grabbed his ax from his belt.

“Who’s there!” He barked.

“Taily bone, taily bone! All I want’s my taillly bone!” It hissed again.

“Git! Before I cut something else off, yuh lizard!”

The noise stopped, and a few seconds later from further away came.

“Taily bone, taily bone! All I want’s my taily bone!”

That night Jeb made a huge fire to make sure the critter wouldn’t slither down the chimney again.

His sleep was broken that night by a scratching sounds from his front door. As he sat up he heard it.

“Taily bone! Taiiily bone! All I want’s my taily bone!”

“Git, before I have your arm as breakfast tomorrow!” With that the critter vanished.

The next day went as the same as the day before. Jeb was returning home and the critter snuck up behind him.

From the bushes came: “Taily bone, tailly bone! All I want’s my taily bone!”

Jeb raised his ax, the creature slunk away.

Old Jeb was awakened again that night, ‘cept this time he heard a tapping noise from the window above his bed. He saw a pair of red eyes peering at him from outside.

“Taily bone! Taily bone! All I want’s my taiiilly bone!” It snarled.

“Be gone, ya devil!” He brandished his ax. The critter vanished into the night.

The following day again as he returned the critter snuck up behind him again. Jeb warded it off with his ax.

That night his sleep was broken again by a chewing, scraping sound below the house. From under his cabin came.

“Taily bone, taily bone! All I want’s my Taily Bone!”

Jeb shouted and pounded on the floor until the thing became silent.

That morning Jeb woke to a scratching sound. It was coming from the leg of his bed! Leaning over Jeb saw a hole in the floor! From under his bed came the familiar voice:

“Taily bone! Taily bone!” The reptile’s head appeared.

Jeb reached for his ax finding it missing. In the creature’s grasp was the ax. It flung the weapon across the room.

“Taily bone! Taily bone! All I want’s my taily bone!”

“It’s gone! I ate it!” Jeb shouted.

“Taily bone! Taily Bone! I’ll gets my taily bone!”

Jeb’s screams where heard clear over to his neighbor’s who lived at the foot of Jeb’s hill. Now he went rushing up to see what Jeb was screaming about.

He found the front door open wide. He carefully walked into the house. He saw the hole in the floor, then he saw a gruesome sight: Jeb laid on his bed with his guts torn wide open.

Screaming he fled to his house. It took him several hours to calm himself. Finally he rode his horse into town to get the Sheriff. As they rode back to old Jeb’s place, they saw a plume of smoke in the sky as they neared the cabin.

When they reached Jeb’s cabin they found it burnt to the ground. The only thing remaining was the red brick chimney.

Both were confused about this. They paced their horses about the chimney wondering how the fire started.

A rattling noise came from that chimney. The horses bucked wildly. And from the chimney they heard something that made them run away as fast as they could, and they swore never to go up to that damned cabin ever again.

They say if you find Jeb’s Hill, and if you walk through the woods on Jeb’s Hill, you might find in those woods a red brick chimney all covered in moss worn by years of weather. And if you find that chimney and if you listen real careful, you might here what those two men heard.

“Taily bone! Taily bone!  I got my taily bone!”

I did not sleep with the lights off for a long time after that.
But I heard the audio version. Which was faaaaaar spokier IMO. You can buy it here, and it’s worth all 99 pennies if you want to feel a bit freaked out. This is a great example of how just the audio of something, with sound effects only, can create a properly spooky mood.

Computer’s having issues so the following stories, which I vaguely remember from chainmail and urban legends, and whatnot, have no illustrations:

A young girl named Lisa was left alone on several accounts as her parents worked late. Her parents bought her a dog to keep her company. One night Lisa was awoken by a constant dripping sound. She got up and went to the kitchen to turn off the tap properly. As she was getting back into the bed she stuck her hand under the bed and the dog licked it. The dripping sound continued, so she went to the bathroom and turned off the tap properly in there, too. She went back to her bedroom and stuck her hand under the bed, and the dog licked it again. But the dripping continued, so she went outside and turned off the taps out there. She came back to bed, stuck her hand under it, and the dog licked it again. The dripping continued, drip, drip, drip. This time she listened and located the source of the dripping — it was coming from her cupboard. She opened the cupboard door, and there was her dog hanging upside down with its neck cut, and written on the window on the inside of the cupboard was, “HUMANS CAN LICK TOO!!!”

And:

One night, a baby-sitter was watching the neighbor’s kids, as she often did, but this time for money. She was given specific instruction to get the kids in bed by 9:00 PM. She did so, and afterwards went back downstairs to watch some television.

She flipped through the stations when something struck her fancy. It was one of those x-files type shows, all about haunted houses and graveyard encounters. She watched and became mystified at some of the “actual footage” shot at a local graveyard.

As she sat there, she decided that for the full effect, she would turn off the light, and continue watching the program in the dark, curled up underneath a warm blanket on the sofa. The program seemed to last forever, until finally they wrapped up with a spooky ending, claiming that all that have seen or heard of the graveyard ghost have either died by fire, or
were traumatized to death.

When the show was over, Donna was too frightened to get out from under her protective blanket to turn the lights on or check the children, for by now it was nearly 11:30 PM. It was dead silent, and Donna had developed a mild sweat from being curled so tight underneath the blanket. She decided that on the count of three, she would get up, run to the light switch and turn it on, and all would be well.

One. . . two. . . three! BAM!!!

Donna tripped and knocked the phone off the hook. What surprised her the most however, was that she did not hear a dial tone. Maybe she accidentally ripped the phone out of the wall socket. No. She could hear something. . .She grabbed the phone and put it up to her ear. She could hear breathing. What she heard next was something she would never forget. An ear piercing scream penetrated her head, and flowed all through her body, chilling her to the bone.

She jumped up and turned on the light, scared out of her mind. She decided to turn the TV back on and find a show that could calm her senses. She clicked on the TV, and started flipping through channels of static, finding nothing would come in clear. This did not amuse her. She went behind the TV to see if she could fix anything, when the phone rang.

“Hello?” All Donna could hear was the familiar sound of heavy breathing. Not waiting to hear that scream again, she immediately hung the phone up. What happened next frightened and surprised her. That piercing scream again. But wait, she hung up the phone. The scream came from upstairs. In her mind, she felt she should go upstairs to check on the kids. The sensible part of her said that the kids were in trouble, but it would be foolish to put herself in the same situation.

She crept to the kitchen, and found a knife. No, not the butter knife, she looked for another one, a steak knife. Yes, this was what she wanted. She walked to the foot of the stairs, and looked up. Total darkness. Should she turn on a light, or should she creep up in the dark, so as to be un-noticed? She decided that if it was dark, whoever or whatever was up there had the same sight disadvantage as she, and she would have a better chance of sneaking up on it.

She walked up the stairs slowly, skipping the third step, because she remembered that that one was the one that creaked. She made her way, knife in hand, to the top step, where she scanned the hallway for any shadows. She then went to the first door. She waited outside, clutching the knife in her sweaty fist, she listened for any sound. Nothing. Slowly and
silently, she opened the door.

She could see nothing. Donna walked to the center of the room and felt around for the chain that turned on the light. She pulled on it, and shrieked in horror. The children were all hanging from the ceiling by their necks, their guts spilling on the floor. She turned to run out, when she was blocked by a presence in the door. She felt her stomach get pieced by the razor sharp edge of her own knife. It slid easily through her abdomen, up to her rib cage. She dropped to her knees, and screamed. The scream she heard from her own mouth, was the exact same scream that she heard on the phone. She realized that what she heard on the phone was herself. At that moment, all was black.

Pass this on to at least 10 other people, or you may find yourself in the same situation. If you don’t believe it, just take your chances. . . It’s worth the investment of a couple of minutes

And one more thing that scared me forever, and prevents me from ever playing The 7th Guest ever ever ever:

really funny: compare it to the German version:

There was also a scene of a baby crying in a cradle, next to its toy robot, I think. It’s crying and crying and crying, and then the robot turns on its side, its hand covers the baby’s mouth, and the baby turns blue. Sentient toy robots. Fuck.

-Jillers

*I actually had Grubby, Teddy Ruxpin’s best friend. I used to sit on top of him and pretend to ride him.

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