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BBBAAAAAWWWWW is the sound they make…. that's descriptive enough, right?

I have no idea what general age group will end up reading my blog, even accidentally. I suspect enough of them are my peers so that when I mention the words “Rescue 911” they know the full meaning of my subject title today. But I accept that maybe some of you grew up in Idaho without a television, or are old and didn’t know there was programming on the television after Ed Sullivan went off the air. Or you’re really young and think I’m some sort of dinosaur-fossil-saurus-lady, a walking skeleton-dinosaur who happens to be female… like those Dry Bones from Super Mario Brothers… only, you know, a dinosaur and not a turtle.

That's the best I could come up with...

Like I was saying, you may be young enough to think I hand fed Dino, the dinosaur on the Flintstones… but you’d also be too young to even know what I’m referencing.

In the event that you are deprived, old, or stupid young, let me give you a rundown of this show.

Rescue 911, if I recall correctly, came on Tuesdays at 8. It was hosted by Captain Kirk and featured real life 911 calls, re-enacted by actors, with interviews given by the people involved in said 911 call.
I couldn’t not watch this show because it was tragedy. Sometimes it had a good outcome, probably more often than not, but no matter the outcome, something REALLY BAD always happened, by accident.The lesson for a five year old me was that “You’re doomed. The world is going to kill you. BE AFRAID OF EVERYTHING.”

There are episodes that scarred me for life. Join me, won’t you, for an ongoing series of the episodes of Rescue 911 that traumatized me. In no particular order.

The Nooooooollercoaster
Episode 4.3 “Roller Coaster Rescue”

It all started innocently enough


Little girl… potentially… I don’t actually recall because I just usually insert “Little Girl” because that’s what I was, and what’s the point of shows that show horrible things if not to remind you that “THIS COULD HAPPEN TO YOU!”?

Anyway, a little girl and her mother went to a theme park for some good times, because I guess that’s what people do at theme parks. I find the midway games and play them, thanks to this episode.

They decided to ride a roller coaster, but their car got stuck, OH NOES! So what will the theme park carnies do to rectify this situation? Send in the roller coaster lever pulling technician to save the day! Hurray! All will be ok!

Except that this is rescue 911, and there has been no 911 call, and nothing horrible has happened. Oh my God. Will the little girl fall off the ride? Will someone have a heart attack? Will someone FALL FROM THE FERRIS WHEEL?! WHAT WHAT WHAT?!

And then, as the lever-carny tries to fix the roller coaster cart by KICKING IT, it begins to work, only the carny is too slow to realize that it is not smart to kick a roller coaster cart who is hungry. And evil…. probably mostly hungry because it proceeded to EAT HIS LEG and drag him with him, underneath the car, while he was screaming in pain, because it probably fucking hurt. A lot.

And of course no one could stop the roller coaster at first because the guy with the PhD in Roller-Coaster-Lever-Pullingology was currently being eaten. So they had to get someone else who knew how to pull the lever, unfortunately he was a BA student and probably stoned because the ride didn’t stop until the coaster was at its peak.

Thankfully he lived, and his arms remained unchewed, so he went on to lead a fulfilling life pulling levers for roller coasters.

And people wonder why I don’t like Roller Coasters.


Oh! PS! I researched the Rescue 911 episode, so you can see how I remember the episode vs what actually happened.

You may be surprised at the facts I DID get right, like the color of the girl’s hair, and the color of the roller coaster car! BA-BAM!

Also, I never want to watch that again.

Double PS: Going through the list of episodes made me remember episodes I had apparently blocked out of my memory! Thanks a LOT Captain Kirk!


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