Skip to content

The Home of the Cyber Shark(s)

BBBAAAAAWWWWW is the sound they make…. that's descriptive enough, right?

I like to think that I hide how actually neurotic I am quite well, and that even my friends wouldn’t know I harbor these thoughts of how much of an idiot I look like at the moment, or worse: could look in a moment. I have no idea where these things come from, but they exist, and some of them are just weird. I’ll share the weird ones with you. I’m sure I have some depressing ones and some frightening ones… you don’t need to know them.

So, in no order of how much these thoughts plague me, please enjoy my first neurosis:

Neurosis Number 1:

Eating anything with Noodles.

The thing about eating anything with me is that I am a really sloppy eater. When I am home I get some sort of brown food stain on a shirt, it’s no big deal. Hypothetically I could just change shirts then and there, do laundry, and yay, clean shirt. Of course, in practice I’m home, and no one’s looking so who the hell cares if I spend all day in a stained shirt? Not me, because I’m not going anywhere, and even if I were I could say that I ate before I got there and say “I can’t believe I spilled coffee/hot chocolate/ random horrible food substance on my favorite shirt!” to anyone who’ll listen… or a friend. Same thing goes for holes.

Now, my problem with noodles is there’s no real way to fake eating noodles delicately. You’re going to slurp them eventually, even accidentally, even if you only have a noddle in your mouth. Especially if you only have a noddle in your mouth. And if you eat your noodles one at a time, no one’s going to go out and have Chinese food with you ever again.

And, actually, my problem is less with lo-mein than it is with pasta.

I’m half Italian, so I’ve had, and will continue to have, a lot of pasta in my life time, especially when my dad makes sauce, because he’s some kind of genius when it comes to cooking and should open up a restaurant but won’t because he’s getting up to be 60 in a few years, and he thinks that’s too late to start a business.

Anyway, my pasta eating goes something like this:

I smell pasta and sauce....

So I eat the pasta, and KNOW I look like this...

but there is a lot of sauce, so I THINK I look like this...

And unfortunately I do not reside in R'lyeah so I can't pull off the noodle face. I just look a mess, and not at all scary.

And of course I look like a bloody mess by the end of it, and ruined another of my favorite shirts.

So… this is why I try really hard to avoid eating noodles in front of people without a bib and green face paint.


Tags: , , , ,

%d bloggers like this: